just an ordinary day...

Okay, maybe not ordinary, but a boring day... one much like what I will be having for a while.

my uncle who was diagnosed with cancer back in December is very sick, no more chemo, no more hospitals, no more treatments.. he is home and basically waiting to die. it's scarey, but nothing new .. I sadly watched my father go through this, although from a distance and through the protection of my mother, even as an adult she protected us from that stuff (death I mean).. and more recently and much more closely, with my mother. Fortunately for my family, my mother left the earth peacefully and quickly -- a mere 2 weeks from her diagnosis of cancer. She had suffered enough in the months before her illness was detected. I sat with her at the end, often for 18 hours at a time, just so she would not have to be alone.. it was truly the hardest thing I have ever done, and in my time with her, I was honest and spoke from the heart. I have no regrets for any of our talks or the things I shared with her. Her belief in God is what made it easier for her to cope and accept.. and in her own time, surrounded by those she loved, my mom left.

My uncle is just in suffering, he is just failing, slowly and painfully.. he is choosing not to go to a Hospice Hospital-- which is okay for now, as long as we can care for him.. my job is easy, basically, I am there for the day, 9ish until 3ish, with my brother in law, just to make sure that if he needs medication or help moving to the bathroom, he gets it.. trying desperately to use the time to make cards, scrapbook or look at magazines to get me inspired.

this will be my time for a while, at least until he passes.. I am truly NOT the praying type, it's just never brought me the peace or solace that it brings others, I talk to God or to more to my mother when I need to, but I ask of anyone who reads this.. please pray that God be merciful to my uncle and bring his suffering to an end so that whatever awaits him after this time on earth, comes to him....

thanks for listening..
if I only knew better (which I just realized I haven't been doing) I would be thinking less bad thoughts, but I can't right now.. my heart is just a little heavy and that is just where I am.
Monique